Episode 378 - Holiday Office Party

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Speaker 1: maybe it's just that you don't know how to use social. Could you see that's old fashioned,

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Speaker 1: Watch how busy post and they're supposed to act as host and hostess? They know that courtesy means showing respect, thinking of the other person, real friendliness.

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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to awesome etiquette where we explore modern etiquette through the lens of consideration, respect and honesty. On today's show we take your questions on cashing in a rain check etiquette when it comes to masks and those who can't hear

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Speaker 1: what to do about someone using your reserved seats at a sporting event

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Speaker 1: and writing a thank you note to someone who passes on their book collection to you for awesome etiquette, sustaining members. Our question of the week is about buying holiday gifts with employees, store credit plus your most excellent feedback etiquette salute and a postscript on hosting holiday office parties. All that coming up

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Speaker 1: awesome etiquette comes to you from the studios of our home offices in Vermont and is proud to be produced by the Emily Post Institute. I'm lizzie Post and I'm dan post Senning

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Speaker 1: because I know it's actually in the rear view mirror now, but because we haven't had a chance to discuss it with our audience real quickly. Did you have a nice thanksgiving?

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Speaker 1: I did. It was really nice. Oh good. I'm so glad you asked. It takes me back to a very happy memory. I was already ready to talk about everything that's coming up and where we're going and it's really nice to reflect that that thanksgiving weekend was? It was a real treat. And what about yourself, how was your thanksgiving?

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Speaker 1: It was good. I will say that we give out a particular piece of advice about being careful about changing traditions and my little grouping fell prey to that advice not going that well. This particular thanksgiving and I was the one who was griping

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Speaker 1: but it was our schedule completely changed

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Speaker 1: and like nobody had told me that the schedule for the day completely changed until like the night before and that it really did actually throw me off. And I will say because that I had such a beautiful meal. It was so great to spend time with my niece and nephew and just everybody in the house and it was, it was really really nice

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Speaker 1: but I really miss the big family thanksgiving. The one where all the relatives come from all over and there's like you know makeshift tables places because you just don't have a table big enough and everybody's all over the place. Like I,

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Speaker 1: that's always been my favorite holiday and I think I realized that that bigger family gathering is a part of why it's my favorite holiday. So I had a little bit of a pandemic blues this holiday.

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Speaker 1: I got to comfort myself with an amazing porchetta and all of these fabulous side dishes and and some by and and that you know that work, the comfort, eating, worked food and happiness do have a pretty immediate connection. Exactly, exactly.

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Speaker 1: But we know that in our families were already looking on to the next holiday and dan. You and I both celebrate christmas and you have a fun thing coming up this afternoon, snap snap, no rest for the weary are hosting continues pooches, parents falcon and camel will arrive this afternoon at some point, this is friday and we will head out to the daycares and gather up the girls and go to the local tree christmas tree farm and we will cut a christmas tree and bring it home and trim it and

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Speaker 1: the trimming of a christmas tree is one of my absolute favorite things. No, it is awesome, it is really, really awesome. What's tell everyone like one of your favorite ornaments, like the one that you kind of look for in the boxes and you're like, oh no, we've got to put this one up for when you come across it, it's like, oh yes, this ornament,

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Speaker 1: oh lizzie, both you ask me the best question ever because I, I could sit here and just imagine myself walking around the tree and talk oh and this ornament was the one that my brother made in daycare, you know, this is the one that initially gave me and this is the one from that trip we took or

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Speaker 1: and

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Speaker 1: it is those memories that are connected to each of those ornaments that are what's so much fun for me and the decorating of the tree is this opportunity to

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Speaker 1: sit there and open boxes with

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Speaker 1: friends and family and talk about all those memories and share them and hopefully add a new one this year.

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Speaker 1: You bring up a good point. I always loved it when a friend would join us for the tree trimming because you really did get that chance to like share, you know, and in my family, whether it was a boyfriend who was joining or it was um a friend who you know couldn't get home for the holidays and was going to spend them with us. It was really fun sharing that family history and I wanted to take a second to share a little family tree trimming history

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Speaker 1: um with our audience, I think I've shared this before and I don't know if you and paige would want to do something like this with the girls, but when I was a kid, my mom made this, giant wasn't giant was probably like a, you know, an instruction felt big kid styrofoam star and the, she bought all this sequins

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Speaker 1: and in the sequence had all different shapes and colors. I mean it was really spectacular. Sometimes there were beads and every time we did a good deed throughout the holiday season we got, yeah, we got to kind of stack some of the sequence to make a little pretty sequence thing and you put a little pin through the middle and the pin has, it's one of those sewing pins that's like a hold it in place spin. So it's got the little knob on the end and it holds the sequence down into the star and it's, it's really easy to do and by the end of the season we would have the star that was just filled with sequins and of course, you know if we hadn't filled the whole thing, which it was hard to do. That star was big and you only have like 25 days,

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Speaker 1: but it was, it was a big star and it, we would just then fill in all the, all the gaps but

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Speaker 1: it made for such a beautiful display at the top of the tree that really made you feel good about all the good deeds you have done. It was a really fun kind of

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Speaker 1: non food related, non toy related reward system for us to mind our manners while we were in this kind of heightened state of

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Speaker 1: excitement throughout from like thanksgiving to christmas, I thought it was the cutest idea. I'm hoping my family can, can kind of get back into that idea as my niece and nephew get older but I thought I'd share that that little, that little lizzie post branch of the family.

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Speaker 1: Our audience can correct me if I'm wrong, but I am 99.9% positive. We have not heard that story before because I would remember that is awesome.

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Speaker 1: Oh you should do it with the, if, I mean I shouldn't say you should, but if it, if it tempts you, it's a really fun thing to do and it does just kind of like Brighton, I was actually thinking of doing one for just me to encourage me to like get out and do some nice sweet things in the world and,

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Speaker 1: and for kids it can be anything, it can be like, I really like how you said please to your sister, why don't you put a sequence on the Star?

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Speaker 1: You know, or it could be, you know, I saw that you picked up all your toys after you were done playing with them, like let's put a sequence on the star,

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Speaker 1: like it's, you know, it can be kind of any kind of good, good practice. The christmas dork in me and the father of two young girls in me loves this idea so much, you have no idea, I hope you guys do it. I hope you do it make me feel so I just, I love, I love it, I love it. I thought it was so sweet, I thought it was so special. I was very sad when our star broke

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Speaker 1: and then someone gifted my mom an angel and we started putting that at the top and I was always kind of like, oh

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Speaker 1: little bonus, you get a disco ball on the top of your do, it's like the prettiest thing, it's so gorgeous and really get like super varied sequence, It makes it so much fun.

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Speaker 1: No, and, and it's that crafting part of the project would so appeal to a niche at this point. And her, her organized mind that loves

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Speaker 1: an advent calendar or a total of any kind, totally a reward system with little gold stars sequence for an ornament disco ball, conclusion win win win. Very cool. Well,

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Speaker 1: I'm definitely glad to have put a little inspiration for your afternoon of tree decorating

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Speaker 1: and I hope it inspires some of our audience as well. Do you think that we should also inspire our audience with some answers to their questions? I think we should, Let's do it do it, awesome etiquette is here to answer your questions. You can email them to awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com. You can leave us a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463. You can also reach us on social media on twitter. We are at Emily Post on instagram. We are at Emily Post Institute and on facebook we are awesome etiquette. Just remember use the hashtag awesome etiquette with your post so that we know you want your question on the show.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: Our first question is titled Rocky Rain check Question mark.

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Speaker 1: Hello lizzie and dan, thank you for hosting such a wonderful podcast. It has helped me learn to be more mindful of how I act on a day to day basis and how I treat others.

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Speaker 1: Several years ago there was a young man in our church who was going through a difficult time.

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Speaker 1: One sunday after service, my mom invited him to go out to lunch with her family, her treat.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't able to go due to a prior commitment, but he thanked my mom and said he would take a rain check.

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Speaker 1: A few weeks later. He overheard us tell some other friends where we were going to eat.

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Speaker 1: He walked up to my mom and told her that particular restaurant sounded great and he was ready to take advantage of that rain check.

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Speaker 1: It felt like he was asking my mom to buy him lunch, which she was still happy to do, but it caught us all by surprise.

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Speaker 1: Of course this happened a long time ago.

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Speaker 1: There are absolutely no hard feelings between anyone in my family and this individual, but it popped into my head like random memories often do and got me thinking

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Speaker 1: what exactly is the etiquette behind a rain check? I haven't used the phrase much if at all. I just realized, I don't know much about it and I'm curious what your thoughts might be. Thanks in advance Best regards rain check. Rain check. Thank you for the question.

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Speaker 1: I don't know the origin of it, but I do know that my mother used to say it, it's something that I used to hear growing up as opposed to help us out. I believe I know the origins of rain check

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Speaker 1: and it started when I, I think I think and I'm not, I have not googled this, this is spur of the moment in the moment. No research done, but I think I recall that it started with baseball games

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Speaker 1: and that you got a rain check if the game had been rained out so that you got to attend either the makeup game or you know, whatever happened to make up for the postponement due to the rain.

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Speaker 1: Um in other words, your ticket wasn't dead and it was called a rain check and so you, I think it started with kind of America's pastime and sporting events and bad weather and then moved on to become a very social thing. Some people like our listener rarely ever used the phrase

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Speaker 1: and other people use it all the time. And I find that like rain checks are kind of a funny thing, sometimes people are really good about kind of upholding them and making sure that they make good on a rain check and other times it's like a good way to say we had good intentions but it kind of never then

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Speaker 1: materializes.

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Speaker 1: I definitely have noticed something similar that the way that I used to hear it used it was a way to essentially say to someone, oh I can't make it, but I'd love to do it and I want to affirm that I would love to be asked to do it again, oh, I can't make that, Can I take a rain check is the way that I've often heard that as opposed to, can I give you a rain check?

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Speaker 1: And I was curious right off the bat whether you're used to thinking of that is something that a host says or something that the guest says or the person who's doing the inviting verse, the person who's a person who's been asked. I tend to hear the person who's been asked have to say, oh, I can't do it then, could I take a rain check? But you're asking to take a rain check, you're not telling someone,

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Speaker 1: give me a rain check, you know what I mean? And I think that it is really nice dan when the host is the person to remember the rain check because the host is the one who offered, and especially in this case, the one who offered to take someone out and you just don't want to

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Speaker 1: catch a host at a moment. Maybe it's a week. And in this particular situation, I'm not seeing that necessarily since these folks were going to go out to lunch, but you don't want to catch a host in a moment where maybe it's a week where finances are a little tight

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Speaker 1: and going, going out to lunch would be a stretch this week, you know, So there can be a bit of a back and forth between how and when the rain check actually gets um

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Speaker 1: used, I guess is the way to say it, which is a strange thing because it's like usually you would cash a check. It's something that you could trade in and get the thing, but it doesn't really work that way in practice. It doesn't, so it's not a perfect metaphor. It isn't, it isn't, it's a, it's a, it's a phrase that we use to basically say, I'd love to take you up on this offer

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Speaker 1: when we're both able. And I do think it's really nice for the host to be the person to reach out for this particular situation. I don't see what the person did as appropriate. They overheard a conversation. They were not invited to this lunch. I, I don't think of it as the right move.

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Speaker 1: And I also think that it seems like the way it all played out and hearing that there's no ill will between my family and this person that it all worked out fine. But I completely sympathize with and understand why

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Speaker 1: these folks would feel like, oh my gosh, I also would say that it probably would have been good the next week to check in with this gentleman after service and say, hey, I know we weren't able to go to lunch, but I, I did make the offer and I wanted to make sure you had the opportunity to, you know, pick a day that does work for you. And I think that that would have been a really nice way to

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Speaker 1: as the host handle it from the get go.

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Speaker 1: That way you're not leaving someone hanging, kind of wondering whether or not that rain check is ever going to get cached I guess as you,

00:15:03

Speaker 1: but dan, my other thought is that among close friends, I actually think this is a much looser structure and I would, I'll be honest and you can tell me if you'd be offended cousin, but I'd have no problem being like, hey dan, we said we were gonna rain checks, letting the other day is this weekend a better time for it, you know, like, and it's your invitation because you've got the major sledding hill,

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Speaker 1: but it's me checking in with you about something we said we wanted to do together and asking whether or not this is a good time rather than telling you this saturday works for me to cash in that rain check. Like your rain check isn't for you to write the exact date and time of the thing that that's going to be cashed in upon.

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Speaker 1: I'm now wanting to write the rules for rain checks article, but

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad you got to this point because it's the one that I was hoping to resolve on as well, that I don't think it's inappropriate to follow up if someone has said something to the effect of uh take a rain check on this offer, we'll do it some other time if you can't make it um that you would look back and say, oh this weekend happens to be free. I would love to do that thing that you had asked me if I wanted to do.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. And and the difference between the asking and the assuming that you're invited is the big difference for me from an etiquette perspective. I don't think it's a limitation. Yeah, no that was a really, really good distinction of the difference and in the end the thing that I think is really important to keep in mind is that

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Speaker 1: this is all the host guest dance and maybe it's been attenuated and extended a little bit. But

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Speaker 1: as long as you sort of keep both of those roles in mind and remember your thank you so much for the offer at the end, you're going to be in really good shape whether you have to rain check at once or whether that rain check never comes back around or whether there are a couple of check ins between the issuing and the cashing of the check. Well and you definitely want to say thank you if that check actually gets cat, if you go to that luncheon Gosh, thank you so much. I really, really appreciate you making this happen.

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Speaker 1: Um always always good as well.

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Speaker 1: Rain check, thank you so much for giving us a chance to explore this very common turn of phrase.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if you don't understand the rules, find out why the rule is made. If you really know why, then it will probably make sense.

00:17:32

Speaker 1: Yeah,

00:17:35

Speaker 1: our next question is about masks and talking with deaf people,

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Speaker 1: hello, lizzie and Daniel, I have an etiquette conundrum,

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Speaker 1: if someone in the same room as me is wearing a mask that says I am deaf on it, how do I respond if we make eye contact,

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Speaker 1: do I initiate a conversation and ask if they can understand me

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Speaker 1: or ask them if they need someone to sign for them? Please help. Thanks anonymous, anonymous, thank you so much for the question and this is a really good point of awareness for all of us that when masks first came out and especially

00:18:10

Speaker 1: like cloth masks and and not the visors that a lot of people wear that are clear and see through

00:18:17

Speaker 1: that. It really did create less accessibility for a decent portion of our population and that, that is uh something to be really aware of. I wanted to start this question

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Speaker 1: by just saying that the fact that it's even been asked is a really great reminder of why it's both a good idea to learn some basic american sign language

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Speaker 1: as well as to consider getting yourself a mask that has a sort of one of those clear panels or a clear mask, I'm thinking again like of the clear panel, that's just around the mouth and I know that they can look a little different now that we're all used to like the cloth masks, you know,

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Speaker 1: but this makes a huge difference to people who can lip read or who rely on lip reading

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Speaker 1: and that this is one way that you just in your everyday life, going out into the public world can help make that world more accessible to other people in terms of post, can I interrupt? Also, just very briefly to say, we have a very popular article on our website that is instructions on the magic words in american sign language and a good reminder, it's a definitely a place to turn to, to start that

00:19:27

Speaker 1: sort of learning my basics, my hellos, goodbyes and pleases and thank you in sign in american sign language. And of course the problem is if you start signing and then you can, you know, if you can only get so far with the whole conversation, but at least at least it gives you a few things to do that are helpful and inclusive.

00:19:47

Speaker 1: From what I can tell from reading a few articles online, most of

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Speaker 1: the deaf community will use their phones to start communications and you can do this too, if you see someone who's wearing a mask, that typing something out on your phone and then showing it to the person

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Speaker 1: can be a really quick way to be able to begin communication in a way that both of you are going to be able to access that communication

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Speaker 1: of course that's dependent on both people having a phone, pen and paper, pencil and paper is the next best thing, but often people who are deaf are going to have

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Speaker 1: experience interacting with the world of people who can hear a lot of it and so they often have a go to first move that they'll make to be able to communicate and be able to interact with you.

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Speaker 1: But I think that's starting out with going for some form of of written communication of how may I help you or how many best assist you once you've made that eye contact, I also think giving a nice little wave when you do make eye contact is also a way to show that you're engaged and it's not just like accidental eye contact, that might be another thing to consider.

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about that moment also

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Speaker 1: and sort of for me personally, I lean into that idea that you shared that that someone whose death is going to have a lot more information, a lot better idea of how to communicate effectively, how to how to navigate that than I would really appreciate some of your suggestions like learn some sign language.

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Speaker 1: Think about how you might show your mouth so that you are more easily understood.

00:21:19

Speaker 1: But I was imagining that moment before you've crossed that divide of being aware that you're aware of each other and that for me, the reminder that speaking isn't gonna be enough necessarily for someone to know that you're trying to get their attention because your mouth is likely obscured or it might be and they can't hear you so doing a physical gesture like a wave or making that more intentional eye contact that you talk about, where you really

00:21:48

Speaker 1: let your gaze and your attention turned to someone in a way that says, I'm engaged with a questioning look to it exactly like I'm open to engage quality that that's to me in many ways the most critical moment that availability and that that effort that goes beyond just saying something behind the mask. One thing that was pointed out in one of the articles that I thought was really important for the hearing community to recognize and be aware of is that if someone does write something down and show it to you,

00:22:20

Speaker 1: the rudest thing that people who are hard of hearing or people who are deaf are experiencing is someone who just reads that message and then ignores it completely

00:22:30

Speaker 1: and either you know, walks off or doesn't engage or something like that. So please make sure that if if someone does reach out to you in writing or tries to communicate with you

00:22:40

Speaker 1: in that way that you you do not ignore it, that you acknowledge it. Um and it seems like something that shouldn't even need to be said, but when I read in the article, what this person's experience was like using their phone as a way to communicate and having people just dismiss it, but it made me really upset. So please

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Speaker 1: number one thing, if you are a member of the community who can hear is just do not ever ignore someone who is trying to communicate with you.

00:23:07

Speaker 1: I think probably a good rule in general, but there could certainly be added confusion, particularly when we start to

00:23:14

Speaker 1: cover up our faces

00:23:16

Speaker 1: anonymous. Thank you so much for this question. You brought an area of etiquette to the show that we really appreciate and we hope our answer helps.

00:23:25

Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:23:31

Speaker 1: Our next question is titled

00:23:34

Speaker 1: baffled at season seat behavior.

00:23:37

Speaker 1: Hi, dan and lizzie, I need your advice. My husband and I enjoy his parents season tickets to our alma mater's home basketball games and I have to say, I kind of wish we knew which school the alma mater was

00:23:51

Speaker 1: For the last 20 years. They've purchased four tickets and due to various reasons this year, they're not able to attend all the games, often leaving two seats open. If we aren't able to find friends to join us.

00:24:05

Speaker 1: Occasionally, fans with seats not as close as ours filtered down and try to fill them in

00:24:13

Speaker 1: this week. Some season pass holders in our same row, sneakily brought down a middle aged man and child.

00:24:20

Speaker 1: Before I knew it, they're too young. Kids scooted down into our seats and the kids looked at me to move my coat.

00:24:30

Speaker 1: I didn't move my coat initially the kids kept looking at me as their parents were telling them to get into this to move into the seat next to me. So I said to the seven year old girl, oh you want to sit in my seat?

00:24:44

Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess you can. I promise. I said it kindly even though she didn't say a peep in return,

00:24:50

Speaker 1: I was a bit annoyed as we would have happily okay. Maybe

00:24:55

Speaker 1: just not super happily allowed the Children to sit there since we weren't using the seats. But I'm bothered by the fact that the adults didn't even acknowledge us or bother to ask if these were our seats. We don't know these people and I wonder if they just thought the seats weren't ours.

00:25:15

Speaker 1: I really wanted to say something to the man as they walked out. Perhaps something like I'm glad you could bring down extra friends to enjoy the game up close. But next time I'd appreciate you ask us if you'd like to use our seats.

00:25:28

Speaker 1: But I didn't say that

00:25:30

Speaker 1: partly because they are my father in law's tickets

00:25:33

Speaker 1: and partly because I was over it by the end of the game

00:25:37

Speaker 1: and also partly because it was just serving as a coat holder and denying them. Really makes me feel selfish.

00:25:44

Speaker 1: So here's my question, what would you have done in the moment and what would you do if they try it at the next game,

00:25:52

Speaker 1: thanks, bitter and confused basketball fan dan, is this one we say we are, we are, we are so sympathizing with this. We are season ticket holders. This is where I have to remind myself that we only have a certain amount of time to answer a question because I feel like I could go on for a whole show about this one right? Like seasoned, seasoned, Oh my gosh, season ticket experiences are definitely a thing that we could have a whole postscript etiquette segment on Yeah, the etiquette of seasons tickets. There are so many layers of things going on. Your borrowing someone else's tickets when you're talking about tickets that someone's held for 20 years. Those might be 20 year relationships that they have with the people sitting around them. It's not guaranteed, but it's possible.

00:26:40

Speaker 1: There's the added layer of their seats that are unoccupied, not every seat is taken.

00:26:46

Speaker 1: And I just find all of those layers really interesting on top of that. You've got someone who's sort of testing the borders of what's okay, but they're doing it through their kids. They're sending their kids out to do it. I know, yeah, this is your note that said kids do go do go do the dirty work. Kids, you go get that seat. It's an effective tactic and it's so wrong

00:27:10

Speaker 1: that I when I hear bitter and confused our question, ask her does not sound bitter or confused to me, but if there was a hint of bitterness, if if our question Nascar was confessing to a part of them that I often feel inside myself, that not most generous part

00:27:27

Speaker 1: it for me would have been stirred by that moment where

00:27:30

Speaker 1: the parents aren't engaging with me and all of a sudden their Children are asking me for an accommodation but aren't really even equipped to do it. Don't exactly know what they're asking, don't really understand the situation

00:27:42

Speaker 1: or like Arnie, I love that you said aren't equipped to do it like a seven year old looking up to a you know, fully grown, well established adults,

00:27:51

Speaker 1: gender, maybe a generation or two older than them. It's like that's a really tough position to put a little kid in. Like and it leads me to say, I I don't think I would have handled it much differently that in the moment because those,

00:28:07

Speaker 1: oh, as the person, not as the parent, I'm like, as a parent, I know you would have handled that differently. Gone. In fact, I have negotiated this exact situation in a number of different ways,

00:28:18

Speaker 1: but no, as the person being, I wouldn't want to be confronted with that, but where that's the situation that you're dealing with, I think that you are question Nascar did the best they can, that you don't take it out on the kid, you know, definitely not stir something up with someone else in that section

00:28:38

Speaker 1: over the use of some seats that were otherwise unoccupied. Um, and for me, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that those tickets or tickets you've borrowed.

00:28:49

Speaker 1: So that and I see the awareness of that and that when you borrowed something, your sense of ownership control and the degree to which you're going to advocate around it is different than if it's something that's, that's really yours. And you get to make all those subtle judgment calls yourself.

00:29:05

Speaker 1: It's funny. I really identify with the moment where bitter and confused basketball fan says they are my seats. I was using them for my coats and I feel selfish doing that when

00:29:19

Speaker 1: you know, a couple of kids could sit there and be much closer to the game. I really, I personally resonate with that a lot because on the one hand

00:29:29

Speaker 1: they are your seats. It's super convenient at these games to have a place to put a big bulky winter coat, like a little extra room even, especially during, you know, a pandemic. I think that it's, it's, I can see so much of the desire

00:29:47

Speaker 1: to just be like those are my seats and even if they're not being used, they really aren't for other people to just fill in. I know at the UVM hockey games they actually have people watching

00:29:57

Speaker 1: the reserved sections to prevent this very thing from happening.

00:30:01

Speaker 1: I know that I've often been the single ticket holder. You know, I don't, don't go with someone to the game and my seat is open and whether I do a little and I never really liked the term, but uh, man spreading, I believe was it where it's like, you know, I make myself a little bit bigger so that no one tries to come sit next to me. So

00:30:22

Speaker 1: yeah, right or that jacket next to me type of thing. I would probably very much so if someone came to sit down next to me, I'd be willing to move my coat for them. But I would, I would feel also not badly letting them know these are our reserve seats as well. My father in law isn't here tonight so you can sit here, but just wanted to let you know that this isn't like open seating.

00:30:44

Speaker 1: And I think that that can get someone at least a little bit. And again, I would not direct that at the seven year old child next to me, I would direct that straight at the parents who have tried to ignore the situation. Um, just to be really clear with them that they are filling in

00:31:00

Speaker 1: for seats that might not be available, that someone might come halfway through the game and tell you to move.

00:31:05

Speaker 1: Also not a big deal if someone comes halfway through the game and tells you to move, you know what I mean? Like that that can happen to and be really easy. I've certainly come down to my tickets having been late to a game and seeing two kids sitting in my seat and I say, I'm sorry, but these are my tickets and the ticket holder and they move and go away. I'm always a little annoyed when it happens because it's not supposed to happen. You're not supposed to take reserved seats,

00:31:29

Speaker 1: but when it does happen, it's really not a huge deal. It's it's not something to like glower at someone over, glare at them. I don't know if flowers even a word, but it's not something that you need to glare at or give someone attitude over, you know, and I think that can be the hardest part of this particular moment

00:31:48

Speaker 1: is finding the graciousness within yourself to be like, they might not realize these are reserved seats

00:31:54

Speaker 1: and to use that type of attitude in any type of communication you decide to engage with, you know, Oh, I'm sorry, I don't know if you're aware these are actually reserved seats, um might get them to move the kids over to the other side of them, you know, or it might be that they sit in a group, you know,

00:32:10

Speaker 1: um, one row up one or down from each other or something like that instead.

00:32:15

Speaker 1: But I also I commend you for being the type of person who would move your move your coat and let it sit there knowing full well that those two seats would not be used and just not not have it be a big deal.

00:32:28

Speaker 1: I so like your point about letting go of that judgment in your own mind. I think this part of me well, and it's clear that our question, Nascar got there by the time the end of the game had arrived, the feeling of about that moment had passed enough that it was easy to let it go as everyone was partying.

00:32:49

Speaker 1: And I I do want to compliment that, that ultimately you're there to see a game, hopefully have a good time and

00:32:56

Speaker 1: that feeling of judgment or that feeling of

00:33:00

Speaker 1: agree of being aggrieved isn't the feeling that you want to nurture and hang on to that, you can notice it come up. But then

00:33:07

Speaker 1: if possible, get back to enjoying the game and that's ultimately going to be best for everyone.

00:33:12

Speaker 1: And because we're talking about seating and we're talking about a venue, a place that clearly has some kind of management, that sort of thing. If you ever did really encounter an issue or you didn't feel comfortable confronting someone who is sitting in your seats. That is what an usher is for

00:33:27

Speaker 1: they are there to help you with those types of things. Um and it is far better, especially if you aren't feeling like you can control that gracious voice within you. And instead, you know, the other version is going to come out, go find someone else who's a part of the establishment, who can deal with it. It might, it might feel

00:33:46

Speaker 1: over the top because a simple hey,

00:33:49

Speaker 1: you know like these are actually our seats. Do you mind moving over a bit? Is perfectly polite and should be easy enough to get the job done. But if for some reason either it didn't get the job done or for some reason, the behavior of the people who had taken over your seats

00:34:03

Speaker 1: made you feel uncomfortable in some way that usher is someone that you could lean on to help you with this particular circumstance,

00:34:12

Speaker 1: bitter and confused basketball fan. We hope that you are able to enjoy basketball games for the rest of the season and many seasons to come and thank you so much for bringing us the question. It takes us back to our days at UvM hockey Guterson arena.

00:34:27

Speaker 1: We are so excited to get back to those those days next year. Hopefully go cats, go go cats go,

00:34:35

Speaker 1: you're, you're

00:34:38

Speaker 1: mm hmm.

00:34:41

Speaker 1: Our next question is delightfully titled reader to writer, Dear Lizzy dan! And the a team.

00:34:49

Speaker 1: Thank you all for making such an awesome podcast. I enjoy listening to a new episode. Each week I have a question regarding. Thank you notes.

00:34:57

Speaker 1: I am a teenager and love to read

00:35:00

Speaker 1: recently. The mother of one of my mom's students passed on stacks of my favorite book series to me. I feel very appreciative for this unexpected and generous gift.

00:35:10

Speaker 1: It seems as though I should write a thank you know, but I'm not sure if I should, since I do not know her well. I am also unsure if it would be odd to do so considering that she is the mother of my mom's student,

00:35:22

Speaker 1: any advice or feedback you have will be greatly appreciated. Thank you to read or to write.

00:35:29

Speaker 1: I love it, dan your notes in this. We're just write the note and then please, I cracked up at that when I read the notes this morning,

00:35:38

Speaker 1: but I got to say, oh my gosh, you will probably win the best teen ever award in this person's eyes. No promises. But like usually adults are very impressed when young people step up and, and as a teen, I just think it is really, really great

00:35:55

Speaker 1: to demonstrate moments when you're willing to take the reins and make adult like manners moves. I know that it served me well as a teen at times

00:36:05

Speaker 1: when I did it, I always got a lot of that kind of, this was a good thing that you did reflected back at me. I don't even want to call it praise, but just like, wow, I was impressed by that or like, that was really cool to get a note from you for that. And, and even if it was my lovely Godmother who says like, oh my gosh, don't ever send me a thank you note, please text or call, like, you know,

00:36:25

Speaker 1: it was still a win in the me stepping out

00:36:30

Speaker 1: kind of beyond my kid life, I feel like, and acting like an individual with, with other adults. And I see this thank you note as an opportunity for you to read or to write to do this. And

00:36:45

Speaker 2: I think that that's

00:36:45

Speaker 1: a it's a it's a it's a good way to go and it can be so simple

00:36:50

Speaker 1: dear. So and so thank you so much for the stack of books that I received. I was beyond excited. This is one of my favorite series and

00:36:58

Speaker 1: you've given me an entire winter's worth of of reading, which I really love and appreciate. Thank you so much for your generosity sincerely to read or write well, obviously your real name, but um, but I just think it's such a good move, we can't encourage it enough

00:37:13

Speaker 1: lizzie post. I love that answer. My initial response had been so direct and brief. Do it please. But I like listening to you, sort of reflect on expectations that we have of each other as adults, expectations that are based and very adult concepts and principles like consideration, respect and honesty and it's not that

00:37:36

Speaker 1: teens, adolescents and kids can't understand those things and can't treat each other those ways, but

00:37:42

Speaker 1: but ultimately the social expectations that we talk about on this show are designed to help

00:37:47

Speaker 1: fully functioning adults, fully functioning society and

00:37:51

Speaker 1: as an adolescent as a teen making the decision to engage in that way really does say something about you. I'm moved by what you said is what I'm saying and um I enjoy that, that that perspective, we often talk about how for adults, one of the things that makes

00:38:10

Speaker 1: behaviors and decisions like deciding to write a thank you know, significant is that while they're so appreciated, they're not always expected. And I think the gap between the appreciation and the expectation gets even bigger as you descend down your ages into adolescence and child years. So

00:38:28

Speaker 1: assuming those behaviors becomes

00:38:31

Speaker 1: transformational, it becomes transitional. And we know that people give etiquette books as gifts at big transition moments in life like graduations and there's a reason for that and

00:38:42

Speaker 1: I think to read or to write is in some ways reflecting that that changes is very present in their life.

00:38:50

Speaker 1: Well, I think also it's a moment where I want to say that they're being treated like an adult by another adult. You know, this is like a not a close connection to them and I think it's a it's a it's cool and it's not, it's not like somehow this would be terribly different if we were talking about

00:39:08

Speaker 1: Anisha and and someone was giving her a set like, let's say she loved the Berenstain Bear books or something like that. You know, someone gave her a set of Yeah, a set of Berenstain Bear books. But I do think that there's something really wonderful about when when, like I just I always loved as a as a preteen and a teen when adults would really talk to you like adults and talk to you about what you liked as if

00:39:32

Speaker 1: just and maybe not even as if you were an adult, but just as if you were going to have an opinion and an interest or something, you know what I mean? And it's it's really respect that that person is paying you and then this person added on a level of consideration. I think it was good. You brought sort of, the crh into this one,

00:39:51

Speaker 1: and I think it's it's just such a beautiful thing to take a moment to recognize that. And it it does, it's like you kind of, you step into that world, you're having an interaction with this person. You know, Part of Teresa writes question is

00:40:03

Speaker 1: this is kind of a distant connection, Is that even appropriate for me to reach out to this person? Absolutely. Is it absolutely is. And this is the start of you having individualized, maybe that's the better word rather than adult, but individualized interactions with other people in your community. I know when I got my first job at 14,

00:40:22

Speaker 1: that that was when I really started having my own life in my community, that was totally separate from being around and about with my mom or dad or sister and and that was a moment where I felt a lot of independence and for some reason I see this Thank you note and this exchange of the books as as a moment of independence, but maybe I'm going too far, but

00:40:45

Speaker 1: I don't think so.

00:40:46

Speaker 1: But to read or to write either way that you look at it, I think that this is a great opportunity and consider us very encouraging of this. Thank you. Note

00:40:57

Speaker 1: here, this one from Alex made me feel good. I could tell just by reading it that she really liked the present sense here, listen to them. Thanks a million for sending me the delightful book for my birthday. How did you know I've been trying to about a very book for a week.

00:41:15

Speaker 1: Thank you for your questions. Please send us updates or feedback on our answers to awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com. Leave a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463.

00:41:30

Speaker 1: Or reach us on social media on twitter. We are at Emily Post inst on instagram, we are at Emily Post Institute and on facebook we are awesome etiquette. Just remember use the hashtag awesome etiquette with your post so that we know you want your question on the show.

00:41:44

Speaker 1: Yeah,

00:41:53

Speaker 1: if you love awesome etiquette, please consider becoming a sustaining member by visiting us at patreon dot com slash awesome etiquette where memberships start at just $1 per month,

00:42:06

Speaker 1: you'll get an ads, free version of the show and access to bonus questions and content plus you'll feel great knowing that you helped keep awesome etiquette on the air and to those of you who are already sustaining members. Thank you so much for your support.

00:42:22

Speaker 1: It's time for our feedback segment where we hear from you about the questions we answer in the topics we cover today. We have feedback from Maryland on runners in episode 3 75 High love the podcast. I was listening to episode 3 75 and had a thought about the question where the runner encountered a bit of a condescending comment out on the trails.

00:42:43

Speaker 1: I have another sample script for responding to such a comment.

00:42:47

Speaker 1: I too am a middle aged runner who doesn't look like a marathon or by any stretch. I get good for you comments and sort of sigh because it feels sort of belittling.

00:42:57

Speaker 1: But in listening to the question and your discussion, I had a thought

00:43:01

Speaker 1: it's maybe more about the other people's attitudes about running than anything,

00:43:06

Speaker 1: lots of people think running is horrible, hard and painful and can't imagine doing it themselves. So when they see me or the person in the original post who looks just like them but is out there motoring along, they're genuinely impressed and say so I think a better response would be thanks. I love running

00:43:25

Speaker 1: with a happy smile,

00:43:27

Speaker 1: it gets everything I'd like to convey across in a positive way.

00:43:30

Speaker 1: I'm going to try it

00:43:32

Speaker 1: Maryland Maryland. I love this feedback. Thank you so much for submitting it. I think it is, it is the perfect response. This is a great example of adjusting a sample script. I believe part of my answer in this have been copping to the fact that I might say something cheeky like that. Remember you get a little bit of tude,

00:43:55

Speaker 1: which is not the thing to do. And I think this answer is the one I wish I could have gotten too because I think that thanks. I love running is just so it doesn't matter whether this is your first run or your 100th run or your 10th year of running

00:44:10

Speaker 1: just shouting that out to someone as you go by I think is frankly encouraging to yourself and encouraging to them

00:44:17

Speaker 1: that this is an awesome moment for you, you know, and that's why I just, I think it's great. I think it's a perfect response. Thank you so much for sharing it

00:44:25

Speaker 1: Marilyn a plus. Thank you so much for this feedback and thank you for sending us your thoughts and updates. Please keep them coming. You can send your feedback or update two awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com or leave us a voicemail or text at +802858 K. I N. D.

00:44:42

Speaker 1: That's 8 028585463. Program it into your phone, you'll be more likely to send that text or give us a call and leave a message.

00:44:54

Speaker 1: I'm

00:44:57

Speaker 1: It's time for our post script segment where we dive deeper into a topic of etiquette and today we're going to hear an interview lizzie did with CAssie Lemaire about hosting holiday office gatherings. Often we discussed this from the perspective of attending events but we wanted to hear from a pro what some hosting tips would be if you're responsible for hosting

00:45:16

Speaker 1: an office party or the office party.

00:45:20

Speaker 1: Castle. Amir is the founder of Castle Amir Events in austin texas where she and her team create personalized memorable event experiences that foster meaningful connections

00:45:32

Speaker 1: and they specialize in meticulous design and production services for corporate experiential social and philanthropic events.

00:45:41

Speaker 1: Cassie and her team create thoughtfully curate

00:45:44

Speaker 1: Cassie and her team create thoughtfully curated, highly detailed experiences that really tell a story and excite the senses. And I have asked CAssie here to join us today because I think that while we have on the show talked before about being a good guest at a corporate event,

00:46:04

Speaker 1: um say that classic holiday office party that tends to happen this time of year.

00:46:09

Speaker 1: We haven't talked as much about how to throw a successful holiday office party and cassie, your job is doing exactly that. So I just want to say thank you so much for coming on awesome etiquette and being willing to talk to our audience

00:46:25

Speaker 2: well it's such a pleasure to be here, thank you so much for inviting me to be a part of this conversation.

00:46:31

Speaker 1: Tell me a little bit about what you see as the goal of any office party that's meant for employees because I know they can really range from really big extravagant events to like sometimes just a small dinner party.

00:46:43

Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely, and I think you know where I start is kind of our broader goal at Castle Amir events. We focus on designing events for a life well lived

00:46:52

Speaker 2: and I really, you know, I see this focus at the end of the day when you kind of look back on your life, you're focused on what were those experiences that stuck with you, those memorable moments that you shared and for a lot of people, their career and their work is a big part of their lives

00:47:09

Speaker 2: and so I don't think that the company christmas party is any exception to that, I think it should be,

00:47:15

Speaker 2: you know meaningful and memorable and we often start with kind of these core goals of you know, thinking about how can we express gratitude and appreciation to the employees and the leadership, how can we foster relationships within the company or organization and also how can we further company culture

00:47:36

Speaker 1: initiatives because this is a great opportunity to do that,

00:47:39

Speaker 1: I love that you started off with gratitude because often that party is, it's funny, you know, the classic kind of cliche of it is people groan about going to the office party, but my gosh, we spend 40 hours a week together anyway, don't we want to not have to then spend our off time with one another and

00:47:56

Speaker 1: I think it's a really important piece for hosts to be keeping in mind is that that this is a lot of times your way of saying thank you to employees and like you said, creating a nice experience for them

00:48:08

Speaker 1: because you're grateful that you all work together and that it's, you know, we've gotten through another year together, that sort of thing

00:48:14

Speaker 2: of course and when done well, you know, that point of view in that message should come through and I think that that's probably the difference that you're seeing with an event, it's burdensome, you know, and it's another thing you have to do and it's not enjoyable versus an event that's planned with intention and has purpose and really, you know, build an entire experience around what are we, what are those outcomes that we want people to walk away feeling experiencing and so when you start from that, then what we do is build an entire experience around

00:48:50

Speaker 2: those goals and those that purpose and so I think,

00:48:54

Speaker 2: you know, that that does kind of define some of the experience and the outcomes that you see and obviously our goal is to deliver from that perspective because I think that's what's really going to connect with your guests and your audience.

00:49:10

Speaker 1: Many people actually want to come to the party next year, that's always the true market success totally, but you guys want to come back Yes, what do you think are like the, and you could give me any number you want, the top three, the top five sort of things that could really help

00:49:29

Speaker 1: a host when they hire someone like you to work with or even if they're planning that office gathering on their own, sort of,

00:49:37

Speaker 1: what's your, what's your kind of uh top points for direction to point someone in to to manage this? Well,

00:49:45

Speaker 2: I think this is a great topic, so thank you for exploring this with me, I think first and foremost I'm always going to advocate for hiring a professional in whatever capacity you have the ability to do so um I think there's a lot of misconceptions around our industry that you have

00:50:02

Speaker 1: to come to

00:50:04

Speaker 2: a meeting or come to the table with all of the ideas of exactly what you want and where you want it and what what it should look like and

00:50:11

Speaker 2: um kind of already having that all outlined in order to engage a professional and have that support and really we see this a lot with our corporate clients especially and some of the benefit and value that you're getting from hiring a professional is we can be that creative conceptual

00:50:30

Speaker 2: support for you and do the development work and the leg work to put together what the experience will look like. You don't have to have that all figured out.

00:50:38

Speaker 1: I mean that's that's that's why you got into the business was so that you could be that portion of planning for people, right part you enjoy Exactly good at.

00:50:47

Speaker 2: And I think that companies often just feel like they have to have that all determined before they bring someone on board. And so there's often a

00:50:57

Speaker 2: kind of a procrastination or delay or lack of comfort with bringing in someone to help because they feel like they don't have the answers, but I guess to sum it all up, you don't have to have the answers. So I really think that often we see as well that company team members are

00:51:15

Speaker 2: tasked with the responsibility of planning the company party and they're right there, there's employees that are adjacent to events, either marketing or executive assistance and dropped on them is the responsibility now of doing the company christmas party. And what I would say to that is just, you know, really considering, I think companies often think that they're saving money by doing that,

00:51:38

Speaker 2: but there is still a resource cost to the company

00:51:42

Speaker 2: by putting that responsibility on that team member for a few reasons

00:51:46

Speaker 1: they're not going to be doing it in their after hours there, you know, it's like, or at least I say that and I get a lot of them end up having to, but you can actually keep them kind of on their job and focused on their job rather than the party.

00:52:01

Speaker 1: It's someone

00:52:02

Speaker 1: like an event planner is hired for it.

00:52:04

Speaker 2: Yeah. You know, it pulls them away from their other responsibilities, which are numerous, you know, and to ask someone to wear multiple hats. There is a, you know, there's a commitment of time and resources for that employee. We do see that a lot where employees are having to put in additional hours to execute this,

00:52:21

Speaker 2: it's likely unless their, their role within the company is to plan events, they're likely not, this is not their expertise. And so there's also a matter of efficiency

00:52:31

Speaker 2: that it would probably take them longer to play in the event than if you bring in a professional who regularly does this. And obviously has a lot of those processes streamlined. So, you know, we see that as well. And then a lot of venues require you to have a professional planner.

00:52:48

Speaker 1: Okay. That I didn't know that.

00:52:50

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. So then what we'll, what we'll run into is a client will have gotten so far down the road planning their event, then realized that their venue requires a planner and are scrambling to find someone and when we inherit an event that's partially planned,

00:53:06

Speaker 2: that's a difficult situation as far as for the entire team to kind of set our goal is always just set everyone up for success and when were brought in mid pathway on an event that's been playing, we can't really influence and control decisions that are already been made that would impact

00:53:23

Speaker 2: the outcome of the events

00:53:24

Speaker 1: just to kind of work with what you've already got going, right

00:53:27

Speaker 2: again, if this isn't your expertise and there's been some decisions made that logistically present some issues or you know, there's a variety of kind of pitfalls that can happen in its, you know,

00:53:39

Speaker 2: everyone's well intentioned, but it's just, if you don't know what you don't know, then there's only so much influence we can provide. So I just think there's a lot of value and

00:53:47

Speaker 2: engaging professionals early on and figuring out what that collaboration can look like. Most professionals are willing to work in a variety of capacities and scope. I know with corporate, we often are the kind of that

00:53:59

Speaker 2: bridging that gap and that liaison between the internal team and the outsource partners, so that's, I think first and foremost, something that we

00:54:08

Speaker 2: see a lot and just kind of want to break down some of those misconceptions

00:54:13

Speaker 1: about

00:54:14

Speaker 2: about the process.

00:54:16

Speaker 1: So .1 is definitely consider hiring a professional to help you plan the party, if it's sort of within the budgets and everything like that, what are some of the other things that people who get that and I love how you describe that by the way, that holiday party, that's just been dropped in there

00:54:30

Speaker 1: because I think that really does happen, it's like, hey Kenny, can you, can you get on planning stuff for the holidays for us please? And it's like, you know, just before thanksgiving or something,

00:54:40

Speaker 2: hey, you're an employee that's supposed to come enjoy this event, but now, yeah,

00:54:46

Speaker 1: yeah, exactly. What are some of the other tips that you have?

00:54:50

Speaker 1: One thing

00:54:51

Speaker 2: that we look at is how can we make an event representative of the company's core principles? And I think it's important to consider, you want to be consistent with the, you know, the values and ideals that you're communicating and instilling with your team throughout the year and with your customer base, you want your event to be an extension of that as well. So for example, if you're a company that prioritizes, let's say sustainability initiatives,

00:55:15

Speaker 2: the event should have a purpose and further connect and appeal to those interests in the company mission. We see sometimes where there's kind of this formulaic approach to company events and there's certain things that it has to have or what it should look like. Wait,

00:55:31

Speaker 1: wait, wait, let me guess it's like some sort of a bar

00:55:34

Speaker 1: some sort of order curves

00:55:36

Speaker 1: and I think like a lot of, a lot of people assume that maybe some kind of entertainment needs to happen is that did I? My off entirely.

00:55:44

Speaker 2: I know I'm not right, like some sort of like a weird cheesy theme a lot of time,

00:55:50

Speaker 1: like totally, I

00:55:54

Speaker 2: find myself taking a step back and looking at that and I would encourage the company to do the same and think, you know, what does this really say about our company?

00:56:02

Speaker 2: Is it representative of how we conduct ourselves in our, you know, our business and with our company culture? Uh and how can we do something that furthers

00:56:12

Speaker 1: those goals?

00:56:13

Speaker 2: And so if if you are focused on sustainability, then

00:56:17

Speaker 2: let's look at the event experience and figure out ways that we can put sustainable practices into, into the process, the planning process,

00:56:25

Speaker 2: the actual event. How can we use, you know, repurposed materials, how can we ensure that the items that were using at the event are then, you know, contributed to kind of having a further purpose or use post event. There's a lot of details

00:56:42

Speaker 2: that we can kind of start with the desired end result and work backwards and make sure that that event is authentic to your brand and your company um and also keep in mind that if your employees are sharing this event on social media, which they likely will will be and you have your customer base in your audience seeing this,

00:57:02

Speaker 2: you don't want to have those questions about wait a second. Like these two things, there's like a cognitive dissidence here, you know, they're saying one thing, but

00:57:09

Speaker 1: how doing another

00:57:10

Speaker 2: right, and I think that's important to consider and also what's important to your employees. So for instance,

00:57:19

Speaker 2: you may think that you're giving them a gift by hosting this event, but if it's not really speaking to their interests and values, then ultimately it's not going to be meaningful to them and they're not going to take away the key messages and the experience that you were hoping to accomplish.

00:57:36

Speaker 1: So,

00:57:37

Speaker 2: you know, I think it's important

00:57:38

Speaker 2: to really look at your employee base,

00:57:42

Speaker 2: have an understanding of what's important to them and what it would be, something that would be appreciated and you know, really be a value if they're going to spend their time coming to the event, you know, like you said, some of those decisions that are often at first kind of met with trepidation,

00:58:00

Speaker 2: how can you build something that is really going to be a great takeaway? And also again, getting away from the formulaic part of it if they don't appreciate a dinner in an open bar and you know, if it's a, it's a daytime event and you go out and do a community service project and then you have a picnic afterwards. I mean,

00:58:21

Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that's like you just totally blew my mind on what, like, I mean, I know

00:58:26

Speaker 1: it sounds silly because I know company picnics do happen and that sort of thing is kind of a classic thing, but I hadn't even thought about doing something like that as kind of an end of the year holiday celebration,

00:58:37

Speaker 2: right, that's a perfect time of year to, you know, focus on giving back and uh you know, making an impact and involving your employees in that. And obviously we know with you know, millennial generation employee based,

00:58:49

Speaker 2: that's really important to them and kind of their sense of satisfaction with their, their position and their career. So you know, there's a lot of complexity, I think that you can bring into it

00:59:02

Speaker 1: not to

00:59:03

Speaker 2: overcomplicate things, but to make sure that the investment that you're making

00:59:07

Speaker 2: as a company and asking your employees to do of time is

00:59:11

Speaker 2: really worthwhile.

00:59:13

Speaker 1: Oh, that's awesome. And one of the things that I love was your point about the broad range of ways to make your party really inclusive and welcoming to all of your employees. Can you speak to that a little bit

00:59:26

Speaker 1: when we're dealing with a

00:59:27

Speaker 2: company event? This is definitely a moment where we want to ensure inclusivity, where we're looking at this, you know, the broad spectrum of the employees and their guests who are going to be attending because

00:59:39

Speaker 1: like plus

00:59:40

Speaker 2: one, right, plus one, um thinking about what their interests are, what's important to them, what's going to feel approachable and accessible often with company parties, you're having a wide range of, you know, different teams and

00:59:59

Speaker 2: positions joining for one celebration. So you want to ensure that

01:00:04

Speaker 2: it's

01:00:05

Speaker 2: seems, you know approachable and not intimidating. I think that that often happens with company events. Um, some of the employees just don't have as much of a comfort level with the unknown of what environment they're going to be in and kind of the experience depending on, you know, how you build it. So we always try to make things that are very

01:00:24

Speaker 1: comfortable and

01:00:24

Speaker 2: accessible for everyone and then also considering making sure that you have options available for all of your guests in various walks of life. So one easy example is, you know, when you look at your beverage menu, having zero proof cocktail options

01:00:40

Speaker 2: and making sure that their creative options, it's no longer acceptable to have, you know, sparkling water and soda as you know, the non alcohol way off,

01:00:51

Speaker 1: I gotta say as someone who doesn't drink very much and often that's because I'm the person behind the wheel trying to drive home and I really am very careful about not drinking under those circumstances. I really appreciate when an event has just a pretty drink. I know extensively, but

01:01:08

Speaker 1: a really good looking drink, it makes me feel more a part of things because when I just have to go get that plastic cup and fill it up from the water jug in the corner,

01:01:17

Speaker 1: everyone immediately knows I'm not drinking and while they know that about me quite often, it's like, oh, why aren't you? It's a question and I don't feel like, you know, with that red Solo cup, I don't feel like I'm sorry to brand it, but I don't feel like I'm a part of the festivities as much as when someone offers up like a cranberry spritzer with a beautiful little piece of candied orange or something on it and you don't have to go that fancy with it. But like

01:01:42

Speaker 1: it makes me feel festive when I have that like festival drink in my hand, you know, I can enjoy comfortably. So I'm a big fan of that big fan of that to

01:01:51

Speaker 2: your point. Like you want to feel connected to the experience. You want to be festive and exciting and

01:01:58

Speaker 2: what a nice surprise to be presented with something that's beautifully prepared and crafted And there's a lot of reasons why people don't drink. Obviously, you know, a lot of organizations are very diverse and multicultural. So I think it's important to consider those values and traditions. And then also, um, maybe someone's expecting or maybe someone sober curious or, you know, they're on a wellness journey. There's

01:02:24

Speaker 2: a variety of reasons why you don't necessarily want to shine the spotlight on someone or make them feel uncomfortable and

01:02:31

Speaker 2: or make them feel different and stand out. So do you think it's, it offers a lot of value to the overall guest experience to have some creative options. And then also we know that company parties are notorious for people imbibing,

01:02:45

Speaker 1: you know, shade on the hair like a gimmick for this particular party,

01:02:50

Speaker 2: but it never hurts to have a few, you know, non alcoholic options on the menu that are attractive so people can pace themselves as well.

01:02:59

Speaker 2: So I think that's a perfect example and then also as you're looking at maybe you're hosting an event but you have employees around the country or globally and not all of them can be present for the in person portion of the experience. How can you still help those employees feel connected to the occasion? Well,

01:03:17

Speaker 2: frequently design, you know, special custom gifts or items that can be sent Yeah, that can be sent to the employees and and help them feel part of the experience even though they may not be able to be there in person.

01:03:31

Speaker 1: I could imagine that that especially last year and this year when we are still in this pandemic

01:03:38

Speaker 1: could be a really fabulous way to connect people. I hadn't even thought about that, that like being able to send something to those who either don't feel comfortable gathering at a bigger gathering or maybe they didn't meet requirements to be able to gather at a bigger gathering

01:03:51

Speaker 1: um so much better than just the zoom. I mean don't get me wrong, we all love the zoom link but

01:03:56

Speaker 1: it's like I would say like I think that is just a brilliant way to kind of keep that connection there. That's really cool.

01:04:02

Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want to forget about that, you know, segment of your audience and your employees and I think bringing to the event to them, bringing the celebration to them in some way is

01:04:11

Speaker 2: really meaningful and will make them feel a part of the occasion. For instance, we have a client, we're doing an event for a couple of the guests are unfortunately now under the weather and are unable to attend, so we are sending them something for an at home experience and I just think that kind of going, that extra step really expresses what we talked about earlier about, you know, gratitude and appreciation and delivers on those goals.

01:04:40

Speaker 1: Yeah,

01:04:41

Speaker 1: it definitely sounds like a fabulous idea to be throwing these kind of office gatherings and I love all the focus on the intention and really making sure that we are expressing gratitude for the people who attend, How do you think we can encourage or what are some of the benefits that you see

01:04:59

Speaker 1: for employees to attend because I know I know some people are still in that great category and they might be because there's a sad cheese tray somewhere,

01:05:08

Speaker 1: How do you guys as the host and as the team, getting things ready, Really hope to encourage people to come. Well, I think

01:05:15

Speaker 2: you know, goes back to what we were talking about earlier about wanting to engage, this is an opportunity for you to feel that sense of connection to feel valued. Um I know that there's a lot of turnover happening right now in various industries there's a lot of people questioning their careers and their roles and obviously staffing is a

01:05:37

Speaker 2: a huge issue and so I think both on the attendee side and also on the company side this opportunity really does reinforce you know a chance to build those relationships and to

01:05:49

Speaker 2: connect when we've you know maybe been apart or working remotely um whatever that might look like for your organization. But I think Priya Parker said it best when when an event is done successfully there's this invisible infrastructure in place that ensures that the gathering facilitates guests engagement

01:06:09

Speaker 2: and it should appeal to their interests and that is what we're doing behind the scenes is you know you don't actually see it and if it's done well it should be very natural and organic but there's actually a lot of thought and strategy and planning that goes on behind the scenes to ensure that level of experience. And the other thing I think it's important to consider for companies and for the individuals who are deciding whether they're going to R. S. V. P. Yes or not

01:06:37

Speaker 2: is something that we mentioned earlier and touched on is the guest. So the spouse the partner, the family member who is also behind the scenes providing a lot of contributions in support to ensure the success of your team member or you as an individual um

01:06:58

Speaker 2: over the last few years with everyone working from home and juggling schedules and sharing, you know, tight spaces and there's a lot that your support system in the circle that around you has um, you know, sacrifice to support this individual and to

01:07:15

Speaker 2: further, you know, the success of the employees and the team. So I think

01:07:19

Speaker 2: thinking about that person too, and even just treating them to a nice night out or an opportunity to, you know, enjoy a special experience or meal is also something to consider and we can all look forward to the chance to connect and have an occasion to

01:07:37

Speaker 2: get out and celebrate. So I think that that's another detail that sometimes overlooked on both the employee and the company side that people should consider,

01:07:46

Speaker 1: CAssie, thank you so much for sharing with us your expertise on event planning and more specifically corporate event planning and even more specifically the holiday corporate events that happened. It has been delightful getting to chat with you about it and please tell our listeners where they can find you and be inspired by you.

01:08:07

Speaker 2: Well, I would love for your listeners to engage and we are always looking for ways to inspire and be inspired. So I would say find us on instagram at CAssie lumiere events. Um also check out our website and we are featured on party slate as well, which is a great place to get inspiration,

01:08:24

Speaker 2: but we would love to hear from you and and you know, continue this conversation

01:08:30

Speaker 2: around, you know, entertaining in general, it's such a special time of year, It's you know, obviously our favorite and with so many occasions and reasons to gather and to entertain. We're always happy to share our hosting tips and our point of view and we'd love to see everyone's gatherings and

01:08:49

Speaker 2: you know, I know we have a few collaborations in the works as well, we're so excited to

01:08:56

Speaker 2: collaborate with you and share more ideas and tips for successful gatherings over the holidays.

01:09:01

Speaker 1: Awesome cassie, thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming on the podcast and chatting with us today.

01:09:08

Speaker 1: Mhm

01:09:08

Speaker 1: lucy, thanks so much for that interview and a big thank you to CAssie for taking the time to come on the show. I know I learned something and I'm looking forward to the day when Emily Post is hosting office parties. Once again,

01:09:29

Speaker 1: we like to end our show on a high note. So we turn to you to hear about the good etiquette you're seeing and experiencing and that can come in so many forms today we have a salute from Robin

01:09:40

Speaker 1: dear dan lizzie and the A. E crew. Thank you for the always excellent podcast. I have been a regular listener since before Episode 100 I would like to make an etiquette salute. Get ready dan to dan post setting earlier in the Covid era, you did a show which included options for greetings in the absence of handshakes,

01:10:03

Speaker 1: I've been partial to the prayer. Hands like prayer position. Nama stay type greeting

01:10:07

Speaker 1: on that show dan said he likes the muslim hand over the heart type greeting as an american woman. I had thought of that as a sexist gesture. Thinking of it in the context of men not wanting to touch women to greet them in the same way they would greet another man. I eat handshake.

01:10:24

Speaker 1: I have just spent a week in a muslim country and have now come around to dan's point of view. I have seen the hand over the heart sometimes with a slight bow used as a greeting between people regardless of gender. And in situations where a handshake would not have taken place. Even pre Covid,

01:10:42

Speaker 1: I now see this gesture as a greeting of respect and have taken to doing it myself also while in this region,

01:10:50

Speaker 1: thank you dan for helping me to keep an open mind and understand the hand over heart greeting as a gesture of kindness and respect as people intend it. Best regards Robin.

01:11:02

Speaker 1: That's a great salute. Robin, thank you so much for the salute and I'm so glad that the advice and the perspective was helpful and I'm also really jealous that you get to travel and be out in the world and um to be meeting people right now, thank you for sharing that.

01:11:18

Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. Thank you to everyone who sent us something and everyone who supports us on Patreon please connect with us and share this show with your friends, family coworkers. Anyone you can anyway, you can,

01:11:36

Speaker 1: you can send us your next question feedback or salute by email to awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com.

01:11:43

Speaker 1: You can reach us by phone via voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 802585463 on twitter. We are at Emily Post ends on instagram, we are at Emily Post institute and on facebook, we are awesome etiquette and the Emily Post Institute. Please consider becoming a sustaining member of the podcast by visiting Patreon dot com slash awesome etiquette. Our memberships start at just $1 per month.

01:12:10

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01:12:22

Speaker 2: etiquette.

01:12:23

Speaker 1: Our show is edited by Kris Albertine, an assistant produced by Bridget

01:12:27

Speaker 2: Dowd.

01:12:28

Speaker 1: Thanks christmas.

01:12:32

Speaker 2: Oh,

01:12:33

Speaker 2: come down.

01:12:43

Speaker 2: Yeah