Episode 324 - Happy Thanksgiving!

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's just that you don't know how to use social courtesy that's old fashioned.

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Speaker 1: Watch how busy post and damn posts and act as host and hostess.

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Speaker 1: They know that courtesy means showing respect, thinking of the other person. Really Friendliness.

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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome toe Awesome etiquette, where we explore modern etiquette through the lens of consideration, respect and honesty. On today's show, we take your questions on beauty comparisons between Children, the do's and dont's of any Thanksgiving meal thanking someone for a job referral when you aren't sure if they gave you one and how to gracefully manage a virtual Thanksgiving get together for awesome etiquette sustaining members. Our question of the week is about giving gifts for those who have virtual weddings and follow up in person receptions, plus your most excellent feedback etiquette salute and a postscript where we discuss holiday manners for kids. All that's coming up

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Speaker 1: Awesome etiquette comes to you from the studios of our home offices in Vermont and is proud to be produced by the Emily Post Institute. I'm Lizzie Post and I'm Dan Post sending, and this is a very, very good day. If you are a new listener, toe awesome etiquette because you are going to hear us be so excited. Dan. I feel like we should have. Are we excited? Are we grateful? Well, we're both OK. Yeah. Don't let me skip the big the Big Weeks event, which is technically Thanksgiving big and hearty. Happy Thanksgiving Week at holiday. It is. It is. We think of it as the etiquette holiday, right? It's all around the table. It's all about a meal. It's all about interacting and socializing. Maybe not this year so much, but we do really wanna welcome any new listeners to the show today. We're very thankful to have you here, and we are also so grateful and so excited. I always can't stand it. Dan, we need celebration music, trumpet, fanfare. Tell them what's going on. That's your fanfare for Four Burst, the new website that now lives at Emily post dot com, and we're just so excited about it as well as grateful. And there's a good chance that if you are a new listener to the show, you found it because you found a new home for the awesome Etiquette podcast at Emily post dot com, which is one of the things about this new site that makes us particularly happy and particularly excited to share it with the awesome etiquette audience.

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Speaker 1: We have a website and it's so pretty. I love it so much. We hope you go. Oh, I'm just so I am so excited about this site. It feels like us, which I really, really like. If it's a great description, the site feels like a the way we want to represent Emily Post. So yea, on that front, But be if it feels like more like this show to me where it's it's a t least. I'm hoping that the show gives off a friendly, welcoming vibe, and I feel like whenever we're on the site and fixing little edits and doing things right now and judging it up that I get that kind of a feel that we've created here in the awesome etiquette world and we're we are we are just so incredibly excited about it. It's been tons of work. I've been calling Dan, and we've been talking like every single day. You know, this is this has been just a nutty week of work, a really big week of work. I had the mistakes were made Manuscript with Kelly Williams Brown that was being turned in. And we got it in and the stories were so funny. And I'm so happy. But that was like 50,000 words. Can you tease the stories? Can you tease the one the new one? The big one? No. Okay. Oh, no, I actually cannot. So I can't use the stories, but I can say they're very funny and I was shocked by some of them. So get ready. But that was going on. And getting that whole manuscript together over the course of like, five days was a very short period of time for that many words. So my hands were cramping on the keyboard and I would call Dan and it would be like, you know, nine o'clock at night and we're catching up and he's brewing another pot of coffee and he's going to sit down for the rest of the evening until, like, two or three in the morning just to keep plugging away, making these pages perfect. It's been that kind of a week here. Dan was comparing it to finals in college. I really did feel like I went back in time 20 plus years. Big project do three days. I'm like mapping out my naps and my hours of sleep to get it all done. It's just

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Speaker 1: It was It was a nutty push, but I'm so glad I'm so so glad that we've done it well, here's the sight of me that feels like I've grown up a little bit. Yeah, I'm so much prouder of the work product. The yes, the thing that's coming out. It's something we've invested in. It doesn't feel rushed to me. Like you said, it feels like us, and I'm just delighted to share it with everybody. And I'm hoping that the audience for this show will help us out, will take a look at the site and won't just tell us how much they love it, how much they love the update. But the people will look around and offer suggestions. Ways to improve the sight. Ways to continue to make it better, of course, were looking for bugs and typos, but also what you would like to see from Emily Post as an online resource. In many ways, we're imagining our website as a version of our book that's available to everybody, and we really wanna continue to make it more and more available, easier to search, easier to navigate and find the information that is valuable to you. And we would really appreciate any help that you are biggest fan community our biggest etiquette enthusiasts can provide. It would be helpful. This is one of those times we really appreciate you writing in and telling us that we have a typo on this page with a link to the page. We like it. It's like people think, Oh my gosh, this must be so annoying. If I send this, it's not. It's a big thank you so much. We definitely can't catch everything. We appreciate the help. We're not always were able to write back, but it is. It is very much so, the attitude in which it is received. So we do. We encourage you. Please come visit the news site, hang out out on Emily post dot com for a bit, and maybe even share it among your friends and family over Thanksgiving, even if that just means texting links. Um, but we know Thanksgiving is the day when the most people visit, um Olivos dot com It's the truth. Dan used to have to deal with the site, like crashing two or three times throughout the day because everyone wanted to know. How do I set the holiday tables? You know, how do I How do I set the holiday table? How do we serve a buffet? What A And no matter what we did to make that easy to find put it on the home page, streamline everything. We can still crash the site. Yeah, Another advantage to a new website. Fingers crossed. Please, please, please, please, please. However, it is that you are celebrating and we know that this year is very different for most of us, including both both Dan and I, our family celebrations. They're gonna be very, very different. Given the restrictions in Vermont this year, we really hope that you have a wonderful time that you are able to connect with all of the friends and family that you can, especially those who are celebrating alone this holiday. It's really important to think of them and reach out, spend time, even if it's a goofy ah, goofy gif or Jif that you texted them. However you like to say it it really does make a difference. It helps people to feel seen, feel heard, feel loved, feel connected. Um, and we hope that you choose to connect with us on the holiday. We've got Jacqueline standing by, ready to absorb all of your wonderful Thanksgiving place setting and table settings and buffet setups and family gathering pictures. We would love to see you this Thanksgiving. Send us photos, tag us in them so that we know to go look for them and find them. And we would love to see you and yours on this wonderful holiday that Dan and I love so very much. That is a great reminder, because All right, Lizzie Post, here's my deal with you. Okay? I want to hear it. I'll share a picture of our Thanksgiving table, if you will to Oh, absolutely. I've got no dude, this is easy. I got this in the bag. I will be thrilled to be sharing photos of our Thanksgiving table. Tiny though it may be this year. Well, Lizzie boast are indefatigable. Assistant producer Brigitte Dowd has come up with a show full of Thanksgiving themed questions. Yea, I'm so this is my favorite holiday I'm so excited. Let's let's go. Let's do this. Let's get to some questions. Let's do it.

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Speaker 1: Awesome Etiquette is here to answer your questions. You can email them toe awesome etiquette and Emily post dot com. You can leave us a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463 You can also reach us on social media on Twitter. We're at Emily Post. Inst on instagram were at Emily Post Institute and on Facebook were awesome etiquette. Just remember, use the hashtag awesome etiquette with your post so that we know you want your question on the show. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Our first question is titled Baby Beauty Contest. Good afternoon. This morning I was in a grocery store with my two year old and three month old Ah, stranger gave me that. You have your hands full comment that I know a lot of parents don't like, Though it didn't bother me. The stranger then proceeded to look specifically at my two year old and say, and your beautiful emphasizing the your the moment passed, but I'm still thinking about it. This may sound indelicate, but my older child is in a purely superficial sense, strikingly an uncommonly beautiful. I know that sounds ridiculous and haughty, but that seems to be the unanimous opinion of everyone who meets her. It wasn't until this morning that I started thinking about whether and how I should respond when someone comments on her beauty in front of her younger sister. Should I or we just continue to say thank you and move on saying something like, Thank you. We've been blessed with two beautiful Children doesn't feel right as it seems, toe Onley. Further the idea that you have to be or should aspire to be beautiful. How do I accept the compliment and teach my daughter to accept the compliment without giving my younger daughter some kind of complex? I'm Vassil ating between being very worried about this and thinking it's a thoroughly ridiculous concern. What do you guys think? Thank you. Anonymous. Anonymous. Very well worded like all throughout. I was just impressed, like like sound indelicate. But my child is uncommonly beautiful. It happens. It does happen. There are Children who are uncommonly beautiful. Well, and it's it's such classic etiquette territory when the offenses could be minimal or major, depending on how you look at it, depending on how you're feeling about it, depending on a number of different factors that Vassil ation, Um, sometimes I could feel like it's an incredibly volatile, like you could bounce up and down and land on either side of it. One of the really nice things about etiquette is that I think it helps toe level that out a little bit. That gives us, um, just some common ground to stand on in some ways to think about these things that could be helpful To me. This is all about the power of the compliment, using compliments. Well, how they're delivered, well, how they're received well and what can go wrong. So as is often the case, I think there is ah root problem here, or rudeness that we can acknowledge, which is that we're talking about compliments between people that don't know each other very well. And one of the and the compliment takes the form of a comment on someone's appearance, which is a no no, no matter who they are, whether they're a child compliment, that's the thing is it's like this is a really interesting one, because my guest anonymous is that you're gonna kind of form to maybe more, but to sort of emos when you interact with different people on this, I'm guessing that with friends or family who might make the comments, you might have longer conversations and start spreading the word amongst family and friends that that you while your daughter is beautiful. You don't want to be on Lee commenting on that one aspect of characteristics about her on do encourage people to use other adjectives and find Find Mawr things to praise. Um, but which I know sounds a little weird when I say it like that. But the other is this moment, that dance talking about right now. That's the stranger where it and I often wonder, like, How much do we really owe for a compliment, especially as a woman who walks down the street and we'll occasionally here's something. Or at least they used Thio? Um, it How much do I like? And appreciate that how much I feel very little obligation to it in any way, shape or form, especially sometimes what gets said. But this is one of those classics to a child It's sweet, It's I mean, everyone loves hearing that their babies air beautiful. I feel like you know what I mean. It's in that category of not terribly offensive, but but not terribly aware either. You know what I mean? I do. I know exactly what you mean. And again, I'm I'm gonna go back toe sort of core etiquette precepts because you're being confronted with rude behavior here. And so often the fundamentals of etiquette are that you can't really address someone else's behavior, particularly when you don't know well and you're having a passing interaction with. So the ultimate question here is how do you respond? And I think that there is some clear guidance there that it's not usually helpful to point out the mistake that someone else has made. So you're not going to be trying to do something that corrects the other person that that's where I think you start to run in tow of escalating problem or just mawr awkwardness, and it seems like anonymous gets that when they say I could say this, but I feel like even that is kind of pushing it further, you know? Well, no, and I was looking at that because I think the script that she offered was Thank you. We've been blessed with two beautiful Children, and

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Speaker 1: I think that you're right because that you don't There's very little obligation to reply to the person with something specific and affirming of what they've said. Or like I was saying, That's a correction of what they said. I think you can acknowledge the compliment and receive it If you wanted to say thank you If that wasn't a big stretch for you, if you could respond to the good intent that was probably behind the rude behavior, even if it came off or came across as a little strange or not like the kind of messaging you want your kids to be getting. Yeah, but you very well might choose to say something to your kids that I think was the correction. So that I really liked your idea was of talking to people ahead of time. So you set the stage. I like the idea. Obviously, when you can Yeah, I like that you're talking to your kids, particularly when you're away from the incident. Also, that you do that corrective messaging, but not necessarily in front of the other person. So it's not as you're walking away. You're making that correction, but you're building right? No good point. Good point. Ah, larger discussion with both of your daughters, about everything from receiving compliments, how to give them well. And you start to really build that strong framework for them. So they understand all the dynamics at play as they get older. Anonymous. We don't think that your hottie and we do think that you are being thoughtful in this situation and really considering the impact of these these moments that you have very little control over. And we hope that some of the suggestions that we have here will help you feel more confident with them in the future. Oh, you must have been abused. Beautiful, baby.

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Speaker 1: Because, baby, look at you. Now

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Speaker 1: this question is titled Fast Fax for Thanksgiving etiquette. Hi, Lizzie and Dan. I've seen a couple of articles going over the big do's and dont's of Thanksgiving etiquette like don't show up empty handed and try to avoid political conversation. I'm wondering if you could provide some fast fax or highlight some etiquette, Do's and dont's of your own for Thanksgiving it might be a nice little reminder for everyone. Thanks, Jonah. Oh, my gosh. I feel like this is a great challenge, and I want to just, like, launch right into it. Can we? Can we do that? Give me Give me. Okay. Give me your top two I could never rank them into is such a small number. Oh, my gosh. You cannot limit me in such ways. Listen, I'll do my best. But like I'm supercharged here, you may be on three cups of caffeine. I'm on one. And that is enough to, like, send me to the moon and back. Okay. So, Jonah, number one is all about the invitation, and you should show up as you were expected to show up. So not with extra guests in tow, with whatever dishes that you were supposed to cook, not dishes. You decided to cook instead. And I think number two is that you try Thio, absorb the scene in front of you and really participate in it. So if people are playing games, jump in and play some games. If everyone goes for a walk, go for a walk when you don't have to, but participate in the holiday that you've been invited. Thio, even though we're not supposed to be going anywhere this Thanksgiving and then third is gotta be This is a holiday all about giving gratitude. So make sure that you let your hosts or the family that has come to you or your family. That is just all in your one household. Know how grateful you are for them and any efforts they made towards the meal. Okay, those those were my three really fast. What? Have you absolutely love your three fast facts? You said, Don't mess with the meal. Show up with the thing that you're supposed to bring. Be a good guest. Don't be a bummer. Participate and be a good on three. Thank people when it's over for the holiday. That's all about gratitude and Thanksgiving. I love it. I'm gonna keep mine. Um, Super, Super super simple. My biggest fast tip is Watch your phone. Good one. This is one day of the year, and if you are so lucky as to be spending time with people at a gathering, spend that time with those people. Try to keep your attention there as much as possible and because so many of us are going to be connecting with people that are other places, and that's gonna be an important part of this holiday. I'm advising people toe watch their phones, not toe, not to put it away, because in some ways it's going to be important to connect with people that aren't able to be there. Take pictures and yeah, but take care with it. Don't let it take over the day. Be sure that you carve out some time to really be with the people that you get to be with. They will appreciate it and you will appreciate it. Oh, because those are all really, really, really good. Thio. I like it. I like it. I like it. I like it. Notice that in our cars we did not go immediately to don't talk politics or things like that. And part of it is because we believe that there are constructive in good ways to have those kinds of conversations and that if you are being a good listener, if you are remembering that this conversation is not going to solve the issue that you're you're talking about, but it's still good to have the conversation it can kind of help de escalate it a little bit, but so you won't see us saying Don't just avoid it or don't go there. But, you know, be cautious and thoughtful about how you enter topics that maybe you're in those tier two tier three topic ranges.

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Speaker 1: Jonah, those air Just a few fast and furious etiquette tips for Thanksgiving Definitely send us what some of yours might have been. We'd love to hear

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Speaker 1: before you take a drink, Chew your food well and swallow it.

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Speaker 1: Now you're eating pretty well. That's the way. Chew and chew. Doesn't it taste extra good that way?

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Our next question is titled. Did you give me a referral? Now we have a voicemail from Julie. Hi, Emily and Dan, This is Julie. I hope you guys are doing well in staying safe. My question is about etiquette in regards Thio thanking someone for a job referral. But you're unsure if they actually gave you a referral. So a little background. I've been furloughed for several months and I reached out to a previous colleague on Lincoln

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Speaker 1: because I saw that the company that she's a part of something that I was interested in applying for. I reached out to her to get some feedback about the company via the Lincoln messaging app. She said that I could put her name down as a reference and should be happy to give me a referral.

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Speaker 1: I did that when I applied. Two weeks later, I got contacted by a recruiter. Um went through the interview process and long story short. I was recently given an offer.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm not exactly sure if there's a correlation between her referral,

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Speaker 1: um, you putting her name down and getting a call back. I need several other people that worked at the company as well, and my experience matched the role that I was applying for.

00:21:49

Speaker 1: Do I ask this colleague or former colleagues now my present colleagues

00:21:54

Speaker 1: if she left a referral? Because I would really like to send a thank you if that's the case, or is it poor taste to ask that question? Do I ask the question to Recruiter? I'm just a little confused. I want to give thanks for things todo, especially during a furlough during a pandemic where, um, it's been very difficult to get recruiters or any person to really talk to you on the phone, and so I'm really appreciate it. If she did take that time to submit a reference, but I'm unsure of whether she did or not. Or if this is just a coincidence,

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Speaker 1: any feedback and tips would be great. Thank you guys, for your information. And I was Florida hearing it on the podcast. Have a great line. Thank Julie. Congratulations on the job offer. That's fantastic news out of all of this. I don't know, Dan. I feel like this is pretty quick and simple. Whether or not she actually made the referral, I think you could thank her at least for being willing. Thio. Absolutely. Yeah, 100%. What would your notes sound like? I was also thinking about the medium because this happened via LinkedIn and the messaging APS on LinkedIn. To me, it's a slightly more casual Um ask and I would think about using the same medium that the ask happened over to send the thanks. So, you know, wanted toe let you know I got the position or they offered me the job, and I'm so excited about it. Really wanted to thank you for offering to be a reference for me. Bam! Done quick note. Let him know what happened. I think that sounds perfect. Like nothing to add. Thank them for making the offer. I don't think it's inappropriate if you have an opportunity to ask the recruiter if they checked references that you want to thank people, Um, and that's a nice way to put it to you. If that's an easy piece of information to get, there's nothing inappropriate about the ask if they don't want to share it for any reason or if it's not easy to make that ask. I think that the initial thank you that we talked about will work just fine. Julie, thank you so much for submitting a question about gratitude this week. It is certainly the theme of the week, and we hope that you have a great time at your new job.

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Speaker 1: We want to take a quick second because we are super excited to announce that all this week. That's November 23rd of 2020 until Friday, November 27th of 2020. The Emily Post Garden Collection by Esa Salazar, which now has a holiday line, will be on sale for a whopping 40% off with code Emily E M I l Y At check out thes cards. Place cards and gift tags are gorgeous. And just the thing to spruce up your holiday greetings, gifts and tables, which we know you have because you all do right to us about, um, the new line has, ah, harvest set Ah, holly set and a gorgeous gold floral set, and we hope that you love them as much as we do. In fact, we hope you love them so much that you're not only gonna pick up your favorites, but that you'll send some to friends and family on your list. A swell. Go to esa Salazar dot com and shop till you drop. But before you drop, enter the code Emily at check out again. That's s a Salazar dot com. You can also get to the collection from Emily post dot com. We hope you enjoy. We hope you love the cards, and we hope that you have a very wonderful holiday season. Our next question is about a covert era. Thanksgiving Hi, a e team. My question is about Thanksgiving get togethers amid the pandemic. For those who do choose to have in person gatherings, what should they do to make sure guests are comfortable and the meal is a safe and healthy as possible for everyone? I'm also thinking of those having virtual Thanksgiving dinners together in a normal situation. Guests would be expected at a certain time, and dinner would be served at a certain time. Etcetera. Are there any etiquette suggestions for setting up virtual dinner's not talking over each other on the zoom, etcetera Best Lisa Lisa. This is a great question. I am going to start off by saying that to really make it safe, you need to stay within the CDC guidelines, and you could go to their website to check out what those are on dfid you out what that's going to mean for you and your family in your area. But I also think that in terms of making guests or folks who are in your home comfortable, it's about asking them questions and talking with them about the comfort levels and the safety measures that you're going to take. And I think it's about being open about that, Andi. As always, we would recommend that you try to do that in a both confident but gentle way right away that doesn't that doesn't judge or accuse others of where their comfort levels air at. But that lays out what you is. The host are expecting for your home. But I tell you, what's really different about this Thanksgiving and probably something very few of us have had to think of before for Thanksgiving is the idea of doing Thanksgiving meals and even other parts of Thanksgiving via video platforms and and via video chats and things like that. And immediately when you ask the question, I was like, Well, number one, we have to determine whether or not the mic is on and off when people are chewing and eating and like I mean, Dan, we use the example in a lot of our teaching and our courses. Put a mirror in front of yourself when you dine one night to see what it's like and how possibly unpleasant you are without realizing it on. I got to say, this is a really good trick. I do it every now and again, especially because I eat alone so much. So it's It's a good thing to take note on but I have no idea what I would look like eating over a zoom thing. So I'm gonna a practice first and be I'm going to think about trying Thio mute. If I'm just someone who's tucking into my meal and chewing and that sort of stuff, as opposed to talking and trying to engage in the quote unquote zoom table conversation, you went straight to the best social video call tip that we could possibly give. Try not to eat on camera, if you can help it in the same way we used to say on a phone call. Don't eat while you're on the phone. There's just nothing e don't say nothing worse, but it can be really, um, disgusting. To hear someone choose to listen to someone chew on the other end of the phone and a video call just potentially amplifies that experience. Your father, Lizzie Pose, loves to talk about what a potentially disgusting and gross experience eating a plate of food can be. He does. He loves getting into it. He likes to make him squirm s. Oh, that's a great that's a That's a great specific type, I would say. If you can don't plan to actually do the meal together on camera, maybe share the food, show people to spread that kind of thing. But I think that I could almost take my arms and put them around all of my tips for how to do Zoom and virtual Thanksgivings and my my thought. There is to plan it ahead of time to talk to people ahead of time to make a plan and then to stick to it, have somebody that's responsible for organizing it, or a couple people that are putting it together and do the work ahead of time to set it up so that it goes well. And I could think of, Ah, a lot of different ways. You might do that. You might do it for a grace or a blessing. You might do it to share things that everyone's grateful for. You might do it during the football game when you can take people wanted a time into a private room or done so that people that aren't able to get together can have conversations that have an opportunity to,

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Speaker 1: um, grow a little bit, or be an opportunity for people to tell each other that they care about each other and miss each other. Um, that but that you you plan it so that you're able to make those connections. If you are calling in from far away to a family that you can't be with, that people have some idea when that call is gonna happen, um, just reduces the the possibility that for some reason it doesn't work out or that it happens at an awkward time for everyone. So make that plan and do your best to stick to it. I think you're gonna appreciate it when the day comes. It's funny because whether it's zoom or a different platform video calls that we have group video calls that we have, they are something that we're becoming so adept debt. And yet I still feel the need to make the suggestion that if you are the quote unquote host of the call, Thio set out sort of an agenda, or let people know some people have, like 30 person Thanksgivings. They're all gonna try to hop on for a good 15, 20 minutes together, or maybe even a half hour longer together. And it is a good idea to set those kind of rules and expectations. Thio play with those features like muting If someone's dog is barking and they're not paying attention to the fact that there Mike is still on. Things like that, I think can can really help smooth and facilitate some of the bigger calls and Thanksgiving virtual meals that might be happening this year. Absolutely those traditional host guest roles still apply in a virtual environment. This is one of those places where your etiquette can really be a guide, as we're navigating what can feel like new territory, this virtual space. But we even call it the meeting host. So with that role comes from responsibilities and and and similarly with the role of guest comes from responsibilities as well. Stick to your time, Andi and things like that. That's a great reminder, because, however, you're going to be celebrating the Thanksgiving holiday this year, and we know it's likely to look different. We really hope that it is a wonderful holiday for you, and that these tips help you figure out a way to build some new traditions this year. And don't forget, please, please, please join us on social and share how your Thanksgiving is going, and that could be anything. Pictures of the table. What you're thankful for anything at all. We'd love a look, this screenshot of your zoom gathering. We would love it like everyone else. She thinks that her etiquette is perhaps not perfect, but good enough so that there are no glaring errors. She is proud of her table arrangement and thinks she deserves a word of congratulations.

00:32:06

Speaker 1: But the housekeeper must tell Betty she has noticed a few errors.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your questions. Please send us updates or feedback on our answers. Toe awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com. You can also leave a voicemail or text at 802858 k i n d. That's 8028585463 You can reach us on social media on Twitter. We're at Emily Post Inst on instagram were at Emily Post Institute and on Facebook were awesome etiquette. Just remember to use the hashtag awesome etiquette with your social media posts so that we know you want your question on the show.

00:32:42

Speaker 1: If you love awesome etiquette, please consider becoming a sustaining member. You can find out more about this by visiting us at patryan dot com slash awesome etiquette. You'll get an ad free version of the show and access to bonus questions and content. Plus, you'll feel great knowing you helped to keep awesome etiquette on the air. And to those of you who are already sustaining members, thank you for your support.

00:33:04

Speaker 1: It's time for our feedback segment where we hear from you about the questions we answer in the topics we cover. And today we're hearing from Joy on the topic of using girlfriend when referring to a same sex partner. It was a question in Episode 3 19.

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Speaker 1: Hello, Lizzie and Dan. I'd like to offer my perspective on the question from Episode 3 19, where the woman was frustrated about people not picking up on her queue of using girlfriend in reference to her romantic partner in conversation. While you gave great advice on how she could modify the term in more detail to explain her status, I would add another possible solution using the term partner. Older generations might be used to that term on Lee from a business perspective, but I think that the usage here would be more obvious as the context would explain that this is a romantic relationship and not a business partnership. I can understand some people might not be comfortable with the term partner for a new relationship or prefer using girlfriend instead. But this might be the most straightforward way to clue people in without having to spell it out for them.

00:34:07

Speaker 1: I'd also like to add on a mini etiquette salute along this same vein to both of you, Lizzie and Dan. People often assume that my spouse is a husband, and as a queer woman in a same sex marriage, I get upset and annoyed when I have to. Correct, Um, I so appreciate you both using inclusive language on this podcast. The most recent instance was when Lizzie referred to the woman spouse as they because their gender wasn't clearly stated in her question. The fact that you didn't assume it was an opposite sex marriage was really heartwarming. To me. Using gender neutral language is so important, and I wish more people were as thoughtful with their words as you. Both are here, since our culture is largely heteronormative, inclusive language like this really makes L G B T Q plus people feel visible and valuable. I am deeply grateful for awesome etiquette and wanted to send my sincere thanks to both of you. Warm regards. Joy.

00:34:58

Speaker 1: Oh, joy, you're getting meteo tear up. I am so glad that that is how you feel when you listen. I think Dan and I often worry about the times where we might make a mistake and make an assumption. And it's really nice to hear you reflect back on times where we've we've gotten it right from from your perspective and into your ears. And that's that's really wonderful to hear. So, thank you, Joy. Thank you so much for the feedback and thank you so much for being part of the awesome etiquette audience.

00:35:28

Speaker 1: And thank you for sending us your thoughts and updates. Please do keep them coming. You can send your next feedback update or salute Awesome Etiquette and Emily post dot com. You can also leave us a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463

00:35:52

Speaker 1: It's time for our post script segment, where we dive deeper into a topic of etiquette and this week we're going to be talking about Thanksgiving. Tips for kids you confined are full set of advice for a five part holiday. Children's Manners makeover at Emily post dot com. Dan.

00:36:11

Speaker 1: What can we do to help our kids? Even though a lot of people aren't going to be having guests over or won't be traveling to other people's houses? I still feel like a lot of people choose to make this meal special. So even though it's like just just your family, you could still make it special and prepped the kids. Absolutely whatever making this meal special means for you. I'm hoping these tips are gonna be helpful a little bit in the spirit of everything I need to know. I learned in kindergarten and a zai was doing the website editing and looking at this Siris of tips for getting kids ready for the holidays. I was thinking about what great tips they are generally for the holidays, and we'll say they're for kids. But if there any adults out there listening, you could just take a little note of these tips as well.

00:36:56

Speaker 1: Um, we're going to start really basic, really simple. We're gonna be talking about getting ready for the table and just basic basic table manners. Last week we talked about the table setting the place setting. This week we're gonna talk about table manners just a little bit. The first big one. Wash up, come to the table clean this year in particular. Yeah, I was going to say, especially this year. Wash your hands frequently during your gatherings and after washing up, I think one of the other most important things. And I do consider this A like an etiquette safety tip is putting your napkin in your lap when you sit down to that meal? Um, you know, it's who knows what cranberry juice is ready and waiting to topple. You know, it really does help to put your napkin in your lap right away. It's like home base. It's a safe place next up. Now that you're ready. Thio, eat your prepared. When do you start eating? When is that moment that the meal begins and this could be debated? Topic. Be a little tricky oftentimes, particularly family meals, even special ones or even sometimes particularly special ones. They're served buffet style. There's a lot of food prepared. It's not all set in a way that it served at the table, but you're meant to serve yourself and bring your plate wherever you're gonna eat. If it's that kind of set up, we say once a few people have been served three once you've got some company you can begin if you're going to be sitting at a table with other people. If you're looking to make this meal a little something special, we really recommend. Wait until everyone served to begin. So

00:38:24

Speaker 1: it's ah, little bit of either or kind of situation. But maybe try toe, push yourself towards the or wait. I got to jump in here, Dan, if you are invited by your host to begin eating as soon as you sit down so that you may start while it's hot, which is, by the way, typically opposed family rule, it doesn't mean that it's not a special meal and that you can't find a spot once everyone is seated to do a little toast or or maybe even stop eating and say a little grace or something like that. But it's yeah, just just for the households like mine. I'm glad you mentioned those two things because this is a meal that's often a little different than others in the families that don't always say grace will sometimes take a moment, toe share what they're thankful for, or thank the hosts for getting everyone together. The cook for preparing the meal. And those are things too, I would say, particularly for kids Thio give them a heads up toe Wait for if you think that they're gonna be happening Absolutely. Actually, that brings us to a nice a nice other reminder. And that is of our magic words, please. And thank you. We talked about thanking the cook, but it is really important throughout the holiday meal to encourage your kids to say please and thank you. Now is the time to really break out those magic words, put a shine on them and and say them with our best, most friendly voices. Lizzy, thank you so much for that tip. I'm going to take us to our next tip, which is about holding utensils properly. And this is one of those pieces of advice that I'm glad we're giving early because early is the time to go over this. I wouldn't make the Thanksgiving table, the place that I would work on utensils, instruction, table manners, instruction. But maybe practice a little bit ahead of time, particularly if you think that you might be encountering some silverware, some flatware that looks a little different than the usual heavy stuff. You know, maybe break it out and give it a try ahead of time. Another one And this one, we've got to say, is probably one of the biggest ones to help kids, Master, Um, and we understand it could be tough. Your mouth this little There's a lot of food in it, but you really need to chew with your mouth closed, and you need to keep your mouth closed when there's food in it. So no talking with with your mouth full of food, and that could be a really tough one for little kids to master. And it is one that you should feel confident to constantly remind them about. Um, it's it's one of those don't don't feel like you're going to be nagging. It's a good kind of repetition on this. I'm also thinking about little kids where the little kid version, maybe, of chew with your mouth closed is help them keep their place clean. Things is one of those meals where I'm gonna work a little bit harder to not have this be the creative finger paint with my food experience that other meals sometimes can be, no matter how tempting that cranberry jelly is. So because we're getting close to the end of the meal. And here's a little tip that I just love to offer. And that's help your kids make a great impression by coaching them on, offering to help clear if it's something they do at home. This might be easy to do if it's a new environment for them, setting them up for making the offer and also doing it well. So two hands on the plates, asking where people want them to be placed would all be little things to practice as a little trial run before the big day. Absolutely, although we will say, if someone's got their best China out and they're they're maybe looking a little nervous about having little hands help offered to help Aziz Well, so that so that you, the adult, could be supervising. Or maybe tell the kids thanks so much, but don't worry about it. Our final tip is when you've already heard us mention a couple of times, and that's encourage your kids to say thank you to whoever it was that prep the meal. It's a great sort of tradition to start establishing with them. Um, if you don't already do it at home on your on your weekday meal nights, your regular everyday meal nights, but saying thank you so much for a great Thanksgiving meal to the cook is a great, great way to cap the day. It's so important, it's not bad to say it twice. Eso That's the end of our tips for basic table manners for kids. This is the first part in the five part manners makeover Siris for kids for the holidays, and I like it so much. Lizzie. I'm thinking about suggesting we return to the Siri's before this holiday season is over. I think it's a great idea and audience. If you have any tips, strategies or even memorable stories, please feel free to send them toe awesome etiquette it Emily post dot com We always want to hear from you. There's a lot to think and talk about on the subject of manners and many good reasons to ask our manners important.

00:43:26

Speaker 1: We like to end our show on a high note. So we turn to you to hear about the good etiquette you're seeing and experiencing out in the world, and that can come in so many forms. And today we hear from Sky High. Lizzie and Dan. Thank you so much for your weekly advice and helpful hints. I'd like to send out a salute to my friend Katie. I've been battling some pretty tough mental health challenges recently, so much so that it's been difficult to just function or goto work each day. But Katie always checks on me and genuinely wants to make sure that I'm okay and that I have somebody I convinced two or ask for help.

00:43:58

Speaker 1: For those battling anxiety and depression, having someone who is willing to listen and provide support is so important everyone should have a friend like Katie, especially in a time like this. Stay well, Sky.

00:44:11

Speaker 1: No, I love hearing about incredibly supportive friendships there. There's some of what completely I feel like sustains my life, and it's it's wonderful to hear about folks out there really being there for each other right now. This is a tough year, Scott. I hope Katie is listening to the show. And if she's not, I hope that you share it with her because we're really touched by your salute. Thank you for sending it. Well, since we love Thanksgiving so much, we really wanted to take a minute at the end of this show to say what we're thankful for and thio to send our good wishes to you and your family dance. It goes without saying that this has been a different kind of year. I'm not just gonna label it difficult because I'm trying toe in this particular moment. Think about the things about it that I really appreciate. And one of those things is that it's brought me really close to home. I've gotten to spend a lot of time with the family that I care so so so much about my lovely wife, Pooja, and my two daughters, Anisha and Aria. I could not be more grateful, more thankful for them in my life.

00:45:18

Speaker 1: Beyond that, I am really thankful for the work I get to do it, Emily Post, And it's another thing that has come very close to me over the course of this year as my work has come home. And as a lot of the external connections that I get to make through my work have gone away, it's made it feel like a very personal thing. And I treasure the work that I get to do. I get to be an advocate for kindness and decency, and and I think that's something that the world needs right now. And I really appreciate that I get to be there, um, pursuing that and advocating for it, And I'm glad that I get to do it with you, Lizzie Post. So I appreciate you this year. Also, thank you for being here with me on this journey, and that's going to take me right out to the awesome etiquette audience. And I couldn't do this thanks to the show, without thanking all of you for being there for being part of a community that cares about these things. You give me hope and I look forward to another great year. I wish you a happy, happy Thanksgiving, Lizzie Post. I didn't mean to go on so long and be so serious, but when I really think about it. There's a lot I have to be thankful for and I'm serious about it. So that's quite alright. This'll was your moment. I think you did a good job when I was thinking about mine. I kept coming back to the fact that Dan, I'm really grateful for you this year. I think that our our work together and the way that we've supported each other, not just his business partners, but as cousins who were going through this pandemic and and a lot of the strife and the division that's been throughout this year. And it was really wonderful always having you to talk to you about everything and the work that we've done together. I am also incredibly grateful for along with the teams of people that we do work with and the support that we've received from our family for it. They've they've all of it. All of it has really carried me through Really, as you said, different year as opposed to difficulty, but through those difficult parts in it, um, it really made a difference talking to you every day and that's something I will always be really grateful for. especially when I when I look back on this year and and people talk about what it was like, this was a year that I think you and I really formed are working relationships in, like, such supportive ways, and I am incredibly grateful for that. I also like you, very grateful for home base and, um, my family, especially my neighbors, who've been wonderful this year and, frankly, my pets I live alone and having having a dog and and having other beings to take care of has has been, yeah, has been something I'm incredibly grateful for. And like you, I am really grateful to our audience. It has felt much less lonely this year because of you. And because you have kept writing in and you have stuck with us, you know, like many we have. We have wondered whether Emily Post would make it through this really tumultuous time, and without you, we wouldn't have. And so we are really, incredibly grateful to all of you, and we decided to reach out to the rest of that Emily Post team and to some of the Emily Post family to gather some of their thoughts on on gratitude this year and also to wish you all well. Um, from Dan and I both we really hope that you have. Ah, wonderful, wonderful Thanksgiving wherever you are. Please find ways to connect to people safely and t spread the love and gratitude and and good cheer that we can, even despite difficult circumstances. So without further ado, from all of us at Emily Post Happy Thanksgiving.

00:49:10

Speaker 1: Hi there. Pooches sending here and the setting family we want to say way are thankful for our family. There's aria way. We're thankful for our friends. We're thankful for our home. Yes, honey. And we're thankful for all of you for supporting the Emily Post Institute and the awesome Etiquette podcast. Hi, this is Peter and Tricia Disease, Mom and Dad.

00:49:34

Speaker 1: Though we will not be gathering this year, we're very grateful that all of our immediate and extended family members air healthy. We wish the awesome etiquette audience a safe and happy holiday season and better days to come. Hi, My name is Susan, and I'm the accountant for the Emily Post Institute.

00:49:52

Speaker 1: I'm grateful this year for my family and all their phone calls to check in. I admire the courage and kindness of our essential workers.

00:50:02

Speaker 1: I wish you all a happy and safe holiday.

00:50:07

Speaker 1: Hi. This is Dan's brother will and my wife, Susan. And we're wishing you a happy Thanksgiving. We know it might be different this year, but hopefully you'll get new traditions you'll carry on forever.

00:50:18

Speaker 1: Stay safe and healthy. Happy Thanksgiving. Hey, awesome etiquette team. It's Bridget. This year I'm thankful to have three awesome cats and to have ah, home with my boyfriend. Who cares about me a lot and to have several stable sources of income during this pandemic. I'm thankful for all of that. And for all of you. Happy Thanksgiving. Hi, this is Kristen. I just want to say thanks to all the awesome etiquette listeners out there, and I want to give thanks to my wife, Betsy, who's been wonderful through this incredible year we've had. And I also wanna thank Dan and lives.

00:51:00

Speaker 1: Hi, this is Betsy, and I wanna thank my husband Chris. He also has been wonderful in this year that we've had I want to give thanks for my Children safe in L. A. And all the people that I love and all the acts of loving kindness that I have seen during this year. It is filling me with gratitude. Thank you. Happy Thanksgiving greetings from Lizzie's and Dan's and Peggy and Uncle Alan calling in from South Florida. We're so grateful for our family and that we've been able to visit lots this year, even if only be a long distance. We're thankful to that. All are happy and remaining healthy. We're also grateful on delighted that Dan and Lizzie are continuing the legacy of Emily Post. Through their tremendous work at the Emily Post Institute, we send best wishes to every awesome etiquette listener for a happy, healthy Thanksgiving and holiday season.

00:51:57

Speaker 2: Hey, Dan. Lizzy, Thank you guys. So much for the invitation to do this. 2020 has been a tough year for all of us, I think. But e think we all have a lot to be grateful for us. Well, personally, I'm really thankful to be a Vermonter, Uh, toe live in an area here that surrounded by, you know, clean lakes, lush forests, snow capped mountains. Um, you know, really grateful to be living here during this time. I'm really thankful that my family and friends are healthy and happy and thankful that I get to do work that I enjoy and work alongside people like you guys who really lift me up and breathe life into my day. So thank you. I'm also thankful to be able to help other people and thankful for those who helped me along the way.

00:52:45

Speaker 1: Hello from Cindy and John. Sinning.

00:52:48

Speaker 1: We're thankful for our two boys, two daughters in law and four granddaughters on especially thankful they all live nearby. And, of course, we're thankful for our new puppet way air all healthy and doing what we can to keep it that way. Wishing all of you a healthy and happy Thanksgiving. Stay safe.

00:53:08

Speaker 1: Hi, this is Peter Post. I'm Liz and Dan's cousin. I just wanted to say that I am grateful for and thankful for, living in Vermont and being surrounded by a community of people that really look out for each other and

00:53:21

Speaker 1: really care. And it's made this covert crisis that much more bearable. So I am very thankful for that and being surrounded by my family and health and happiness as well. So Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. Hi, this is Maureen and Bill Dannon, Lizzie's aunt uncle way. We're feeling warm and snug and safe here in Vermont. We hope all of you and your families are able to enjoy the holiday season together as much as possible in these difficult times. And we wish you good health and peace in the coming year have a wonderful, cozy and lovely Thanksgiving. Everybody be safe. Happy Thanksgiving E.

00:54:00

Speaker 1: Thank you for listening and thank you toe Everyone who sent us something and everyone who supports us on Patryan. Please connect with us and share the show with friends, family and co workers. However you like to share podcast, you can send us questions, feedback and salutes by email. Toe awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com by phone. You can leave us a message or a text at 802858 k i n d. That's 8028585463 You can also find us on Twitter. We're at Emily Post inst on Instagram were at Emily Post Institute and on Facebook were awesome etiquette and the Emily Post Institute. Please do consider becoming a sustaining member. You can find out more about this by visiting patryan dot com slash awesome etiquette. You can also subscribe to the ads version of our show on Spotify or your favorite podcast app and please consider leaving us a review. It does help our show rankings which help people find the show. And our show is edited by Chris Albertine An assistant produced by Brigitte about thanks, Kris and Brigitte.

00:55:14

Speaker 1: Oh,

00:55:16

Speaker 1: but